Is a ‘thank you’ really so time-consuming?

By: DONAVON CAMPBELL

How long does it take to say “thanks?”

I timed myself. It takes me .53 seconds.

How about a “thank you?”

It took me .74 seconds.

And I didn’t even investigate the classic “thank you very much;” who has time to be that thankful these days?

I’m not saying this study was airtight by any means, but that’s not the point.

A few weeks ago, my wife and I went to see a movie. When the show was over and everybody was shuffling out of the theater, there was the usual clump of blurry-eyed people, most of them retracted well inside their own minds, deciding what they would say to their friends about whether or not the flick was any good.

Sheer volume made for a nice, steady flow of hands absentmindedly holding the doors open. The closest one door might creep toward shutting would be a six-inch pivot before another palm crept out of the darkness to slap it open again.

The issue came when the crowd had thinned between the theater doors and the front door of the building.

My wife exited first while I held the door. I saw another couple a few steps behind us, so I stopped and continued to hold the door open for another second or two.

The female of the couple approached the door, looked me right in the face and passed through without so much as a peep.

The male of the other couple is largely irrelevant for this story except that he performed adequately by using his forearm to brace the door while I released it and continued on my way.

But that woman …

I was held up for at least two seconds, had cut off a conversation with my wife and had totally halted our progress to our own vehicle to hold the door because I was taught it is a decent thing to do.

It’s a habit for me, and I will also admit that, at times, I may even be a little too nice or polite, and therefore I must also, in moments like those, lie in the bed I make.

Fine.

But this was well within the realm of acceptable niceness. Not to mention the woman looked me right in the eyes!

I was holding my own gaze because acknowledgement, or a growing lack thereof, of this menial kindness has become a major pet peeve of mine. I try not to make a habit of staring people I don’t know in the face in close quarters, but that is a whole other column.

I am now officially convinced that the lack of “thank yous” exchanged for actions like holding a door open or letting another motorist into one’s lane in traffic — this one requires a short, easy wave — is officially a problem.

I understand that there are exceptions to every rule and circumstances that may lead to an understandable breaking of the rules.

But for the sake of setting out some guidelines for all of those out there who, let’s just say, may not know, I will now lay out some of the rules I go by:

*If you are in a double door situation and the person ahead of you reaches the second door before you reach the first and holds the second door open until you reach it, say it.

*If a person stops a conversation (with another person, because heaven forbid we — I did say “we” — get off our cell phones) to hold a door for you, say it.

*If a person not only breaks stride but physically plants his or her feet to wait to hold a door for you, say it.

*And, for heaven’s sake, if someone coming the opposite way opens the door, sees you coming and actually steps aside to hold the door for you, I just don’t understand how someone can sleep at night without saying it.

These are just a few of the many times when it is prudent, in my mind, to say “thank you,” but if you are still confused, you can always play it safe by just saying it whenever someone is nice enough to pause his or her own day, even if only for a fleeting moment, to make yours slightly more convenient.

For anyone who would argue I’m getting bent out of shape over this, I agree. And for those who would ask why I feel I deserve a mumble of gratitude for such an effortless kindness, I would ask how much effort it takes to mumble that bit of gratitude.

Now, I’m not trying to step on any toes here, but I’m also saying I’m not above shutting a foot in the door — I’m going to snap eventually, people — so for the sake of, at least, my own sanity, and perhaps the betterment of western culture as a whole, remember” it literally takes half a second to say “thanks.”

(this column appeared in the Aug. 27, 2008 issues of Suburban Newspapers)